This is terrible, but in the end, this is only your fault, no one forced you to gamble almost a million dollars
You are crazy man, and you really need to recover from this, do not ever try to gamble again, because it is just pure adiction in where you can not leave easily.
Gambling is such a thing that even a rationale person become crazy about money and the result is before us. That is the reason people recommend that do not go behind money while gambling just play for fun and to entertain yourself had this being case with OP, surely would not have lost such amount.