I am sorry for your loss but it is your fault because you made some bad decisions. Crypto has never been stable and quitting your job for it wasn't a good idea. It is good that you have learned to forgive yourself but now you need to find a good daily job and forget about bitcoin gambling for a while at least.
This is the thinking of every addict gambler, because they thought gambling will make a good fortune for them. Its a big mistake to let go of your stable job and depend on gambling. Im just happy to see you fighting and still alive, and its good that you share you bad experience in this forum and encourage every gambler not to take much risk and know how to control yourself.