Okay...I'm throwing in the towel..........not with USDe of course, you think I'm stupid?

I live in Portland Oregon, USA. I have been trying so many different sites and all of them seem too sketchy, or downright horrendous to try and use.
Can someone tell me, step by step, the best sites (or combination of them if required) to use so that I can easily xfer USD to an exchange that supports the purchasing of USDe. I have been trying on https://c-cex.com/ with no luck. I would prefer to use them because they have everything i want, but some methods of xfer won't work for me because of my location, or my visa/mastercard doesn't support international exchanging.
All I want to frikking do is add funds to c-cex without having to first add them to some other sketch website that I then send to c-cex, wait for the xfer to confirm (however long it takes), and buy some damn USDe/BTC/etc.

tl;dr I live in America and want to turn USD into BTC/USDe....what is the fastest, easiest, most convenient way.