but my paper wallets are substantially more secure than hardware wallets.
That's not accurate though.
FTFY
Your main argument seems to be that it is easier to hide a paper wallet than it is to hide a hardware wallet. A hardware wallet is small enough that I can hide it inside a light fitting, in an electrical socket, under the floorboards, bore a hole in a door/shelf/table/furniture/etc and hide it inside, and so forth. There is a close to zero chance a random attacker would find my hardware wallet without also burning down my house.
My main argument is that
trusting a hardware wallet with my funds, and paying them $100 for me to trust them is very similar to trusting a bank and paying them for a safety deposit box. I much prefer trusting no one and not having a bill to go along with it.
How is this different to having an unsecured paper wallet which is written down?
I'm not trying to be deliberately antagonistic here. This finding regarding the Trezor is important, and it should be discussed, but saying that all hardware wallets are useless is wrong.
Personally, I've seen many issues come up with hardware wallets over the years and I still can't wrap my head around why people use them. I guess it's the same reason people keep funds on an exchange or hot wallet. Ease of use trumps security for the vast majority of users (until they get hacked of course). I'd rather have people learn to store their funds in the most secure manner.
I was a newbie before. I know exactly what newbies go through. I wish someone told me how I really shouldn't be using X or Y service because they aren't secure. Hardware wallets are probably 99% secure, although no normal person could actually confirm that. Paper wallets can be extremely secure if you do it right. I suppose I can make a guide so it doesn't look like I'm just bashing hardware wallets. Actually, I think I made one before. I'll have to find and bump that thread.
Being blissfully ignorant actually works in the fiat system. You can always get your money back if it's stolen, assuming it wasn't cash. It doesn't in crypto, so take every single precaution possible. Don't. Trust.
Anyone. That includes hardware wallet manufactures.