You object to "mindless USD printing". Isn't that what bitcoin printing/mining is by design? It's unalterable, there is no human input at all, it is literally mindless. In contrast a great deal of thought goes into how much USD to print each month... You may disagree with the reasoning they use, but it's stupid to call it "mindless".
Just as Americans were supposed to have "a nation of laws and not men," Bitcoin is in fact a currency of laws and not men. Bitcoin is at the whim of no person or group, and while this makes early adoption difficult, strange, and awkward, it is in fact the greatest strength of the system.
And indeed, what would be the point of a central group creating a decentralized money system? If the transaction ledger is centralized, then it possesses none of those benefits so crucial to Bitcoin. If the transaction ledger is decentralized, then why would a central group benefit from creating it, for once created it would be beyond their control.
Look, if you don't like Bitcoin, then don't touch it. But I'd prefer not to touch USD or other fiat currencies. Unfortunately, I'm not given this freedom.
Bitcoin is a fiat currency, if you want to pretend it's a currency.