Bitstamp has been here for long time and them asking KYC with such strict details does make me wonder what juicy information they have obtained on the coins.
You may try to present a story in your way of describing but this is what I suspect has happened.
No, this is normal for bitstamp, they have been asking similar questions for >5 years now. Other exchanges are catching up with their intrusiveness. It's better to take your time to find a trustworthy person to make an exchange in-person.
No one can be 100% trustworthy. I have seen vendors in Localbitcoins selling their old accounts to scammers and the latter using them to con unsuspecting users. EVen I had a few bad experiences with LBC, and my coins were returned only after I contacted the LBC admins. If you are talking about face-to-face transactions, then they are not only risky, but unsafe as well.