So what is the point of sharing it here? Do you try to get some sympatic from bitcointalk members? If so, you wont get it IMO.
It is obviously your own fault to gamble with loan money, you should never do it. I have to say that gamble with loan money in order to get more money is just a stupid decision.
If you want to kill yourself because of this thing, it would be just another stupid mistake. Get a job, collect money to pay your loan.