I've been reading up recently about the lifestyles I would least want. I have decided a fella named Ashley Ryder has won the prize.

I'm sure he's lovely but his full time job is sticking things up his arse. On week nights he skewers himself on a traffic cone in a late night show in Soho. Rest of the time he gets fisted up to the elbow on camera. I hope it brings him joy all the same.