God doesn't care how I come off, he cares about what is in my heart.
That is from someone whom EVERYONE tells doesn't know the meaning of the word "tact," what is in your heart, and how others perceive you, do not match up. If you do not care enough that your words and actions portray more spitefulness and piety than care, and will very likely be seen as hurtful to others (and we all know god doesn't want us to hurt others), that's your prerogative.
The task of helping others can often result in backlash. Try helping drunks, or addicts for example and you will not be well received, but it is for their own good.
And way to start off with some bearing of false witness.
Here's the actual quote:
It is quite unfortunate nobody ever let you know there are multiple translations of the bible. I guess the poor education you received on these matters might be responsible for your lack of understanding of what God wishes for you. The passage I quoted was from the New International Version which is quite popular and generally well regarded as far as translation goes. I believe the version you prefer is from the King James Version. I think I would trust the scholarship of modern translators rather than those in 1600's England.
tl;dr summary: David was dancing and prancing in celebration, wearing nothing but an apron, flashing his butt at everyone (ephod = assless chaps of BC era?). His wife, seeing him dancing all almost-naked, was pissed and hated him for it (do remember that David originally loved Jonathan, and Michal, likely knowing this, no doubt always resented him for it). So, David told her off, and told her he'll never have sex with her, and didn't.
And again, you show you cannot grasp the concept of platonic love without sex. Jonathan and David were very close friends, but they did not cross the line into sexual practices. I know it can seem strange to see references to kissing, but this was a very different culture. Even today some cultures greet with a kiss, it doesn't mean much but that cultural standards are different.
David had multiple wives and an adulterous affair with a woman. He was not homosexual. Passages like the stripping of the armor are a symbolic reference to the transfer of power, a symbol that shows up previously in the Bible as well.
26: And strip Aaron of his garments, and put them upon Eleazar his son: and Aaron shall be gathered unto his people, and shall die there.
Bowing is a sign of sexuality in the Bible?
5: And when Haman saw that Mordecai bowed not, nor did him reverence, then was Haman full of wrath.
6: And he thought scorn to lay hands on Mordecai alone; for they had shewed him the people of Mordecai: wherefore Haman sought to destroy all the Jews that were throughout the whole kingdom of Ahasuerus, even the people of Mordecai.
I think you really want to believe this because you crave the approval of God even though you are unable to admit it here, but the approval for your sexual immorality is just not to be found in his word.
It seems similar to the myth making that leads so-called "Rastafarians" to believe God wants them to abuse themselves with a dangerous intoxicant. Take a little bit out of the Old Testament even though it doesn't quite say what you think it does, and add on a whole heap of modern sensibilities and culture, and you can come up with anything to claim God wants you to hurt yourself instead of help yourself. He never wants that.