Ninjastic
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Re: TMAN's Services Bitches.. Now with the best of Kazakhstan’s exports!
by
nullius
on 06/02/2020, 23:29:33 UTC
Quote from: TMAN on February 06, 2020, 12:44:49 PM
I buy the best of Kazakhstan's exports - including potassium

More Better Bestest Exports from Kazakhstan!

  • Igor Sysoev, the creator of the nginx, the #1 webserver.  (IIUC, he has lived in Russia since his university days.)
  • Sci-Hub!  nullius 3> Sci-Hub, which was started by Alexandra Elbakyan from Kazakhstan (though she considers herself to be Russian).  As Nature noted when it named her one of the top ten most influential people in science in 2016, “It took Alexandra Elbakyan just a few years to go from information-technology student to famous fugitive.”  Whilst now residing at an undisclosed location that may or may not be in Russia, she currently runs it with Russian servers and worldwide support (plus the special hatred of the American government).  I will only link to the Sci-Hub Wikipedia page, because I do not know the forum’s policy about providing all the lovely copyright-infringement site links that Wikipedia prominently displays in the top-right sidebar. ;-)

    By the way, are you still peeved at JSTOR for effectually murdering Aaron Swartz, the inventor of the idea that partly inspired Namecoin?  Get all the JSTOR articles you want from Sci-Hub, or from libgen’s sci-hub archive!  Or just do it for the knowledge (site hosted by Github, contains no copyright infringement material; and its copyvio links are probably dead, unlike Wikipedia’s).
  • Well, this is a Kazakh import from America:  Extreme government blocking of the Internet, even including successful blocks of Tor’s obs4 and meek bridges.  (The Kazakh government is almost certainly using imported technology from some American censorware company; see the linked Tor bug for attempts to discern which brand of middleware shitbox is blocking the obfuscated pluggable transports.)
  • (Another Kazakhstan import:  Massive numbers of people disliked by Stalin, who used the Kazakh SSR as one of his preferred places to stick groups he found troublesome.  Most famously, Chechens and Ingush—but also a wide variety of others, even including captured Japanese.  Many, but not all of these were later re-exported.)
  • Potassium, LOL!  I guess* that Borat’s secret plan to TAKE OVER THE WORLD must be to “export” Best Potassium Radioisotopes somehow refined from Kazakhstan’s plentiful uranium ore.  TMAN buying?  I go bananas for best bulk 40K bonanza from TMAN’s Services, a boutique Gift for my enemies!  I leave glowing review!  (* Comedically pseudoscientific, and probably infeasible.)

    Merited by nullius (51)
    Quote from: Gary Mansfield
    Disclaimer:

    Neither Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory, the University of California, nor the Department of Energy recommends eating bananas.
  • An anonymous crypto-courtesan* who works with TMAN’s Services!  (* Decryption key not included.)

That is a formidable list, though I think that Uzbekistan’s exports are competitive.


Quote from: TMAN on February 05, 2020, 08:26:44 AM
Quote from: libert19 on February 05, 2020, 04:47:31 AM
superiority, sir?

you are a bitch for calling me sir, you are prime example of someone who needs my services.

Banks vs. TMAN

Round 0:

  • Your bank promises you courteous customer service while it pretends to safekeep your pretend-money.  It then treats you like dirt (unless you have €normou$ a¢¢ount$, in which case its representatives will kneel and offer to fellate you).
  • TMAN promises to abuse you while you pay him, and you will like it.  Meanwhile, he will provide “best services” to you.

Banks: 0; TMAN: 1.

Round 1:

  • Banks:  Use government-printed toilet paper.
  • TMAN:   Uses  Bitcoin.

Banks: −∞; TMAN: 21 million!

Winner:  TMAN in one round.  (Well, in round[1] as counted by a C coder.)


Quote from: TMAN on February 05, 2020, 08:26:44 AM
@nullius denied - you not need services, your tongue gets you all the snatch you need

Snatch me:  Snatch services me, snatch gets all the “tongue” it needs.  But my cunning wordplay is a bigger mystery, deep and hard to know.  Be not #reckless of such things; for though I may steal your soul for Bitcoin, I will keep your body all to myself.  Thus beware, ladies, that my tongue inflicts gracious bawdily charm:  My fun puns and humourous ejaculations will leave my mark in you.

And if you’re feeling an itch to work in a tight market, if you want to work it for TMAN’s Services, then I can train you!  Of course, I mean that I can tutor you in cryptography (a word not so dissimilar to πoρνography).  No more elliptical talk:  Let’s get hands-on with those curves, and you may get TMAN’s attention.  That harem technical team has standards:  You’ve got to be like the best cryptographress in Kazakhstan!