A timely update:

"i cleared cmos,
moved the memory around into each slot,
re-seated the processor (twice),
made sure the board 12-pin and the cpu 4-pin were in
cpu fan spins
and is plugged into the right spot
I know there are no screws loose in the case, or any grounding
the power supply is giving juice accurately to the fans, the board and the gpu, for sure
since they light up correctly
only one i can't verify for certain is the proc, but it is plugged in
it doesn't go through the POST sequence, goes directly to FF
which makes me think that there's something wrong with the proc, memory or board
but the board is correctly throwing the error message
so that makes me think proc or memory"

While this seems to eliminate obvious fixes, maybe it'll steer some helpful soul in the direction of the solution.

Thanks again y'all.