God is loving. You don't have to be so scared of Him that you try to wish Him out of existence like that.
You're like a child that doesn't know yet that santa claus and the three wise men are your parents. You believe in god, but that's just another absurd belief. So I don't need to wish anyone out here, you are wishing god actually existed. You talk to yourself and think you're talking to god. You believe there's something after death and when you get there you'll just get worms into your skull honestly. You better take full advantage of this life and stop the bullshit because from what we actually know there ain't any other life afterwards.
The exact same things could be said for you and what you believe. The only part that doesn't work for what you believe, is that things in the universe don't happen without causes. So, what is the cause of the universe?
Before the universe existed, whatever there was, caused it. Since cause and effect are universe qualities, we don't have a clue about C&E affecting anything outside the universe, before the universe existed.
The order and organization in the universe shows that whatever caused the universe, had the ability to plan and design. Of course, because such planning and designing ability isn't like planning and designing ability within the universe, we don't know the depths of what that planning was like, and what the Planner was/is like... at least not without being told.
So we see that anyone who thinks that God doesn't exist is tossing out the evidence, and the scientific evidence.
We don't know. There was no time so how can you have a cause?