The first thing you would need to do is to prove its value, if you claim to be stolen.
By doing so you make it a tangible good or asset, so you're owning taxes for each bitcoin you create or trade.
As Justin whatever (that boy with funny hair, right?)'s merchandise would be also tax exempt... which it isn't.
You're killing me with these funky legal analyses. I doubt you've ever set foot in a US courtroom.