I think even the best players are struggling to spot sets, but they are doing much better in anticipating the possible danger, be it via analyzing pre-flop raises, post-flop bet sizes, experience or pure gut feeling.
Problem is, when you concentrate too much on possible sets, you will just see them everywhere on any given flop

They are curse and blessing at the same time - and if I was asked to do new rules, I would eliminate them

the odds of flopping a set are ~1 in 8 (set over set is ~1 in 100), and one only sees a pocket pair ~1 in 17 hands. that's the trouble. realistically, it is very rare that you can hand read your opponent on a set. and given the odds, you can't afford to fear sets on every board and fold away value.
so there's no way around it---running into sets is always gonna be painful even when you play it right IMO. when you have strong holdings on a dry board and you run into a set, you basically have to pay them off. that's how i see it anyway.
on the flip side, i love suited connectors (and one-gappers, kinda sorta) for this reason. most players will slow play a flopped set or other made monsters and will usually pay you off on a turned or rivered straight/flush.