Cryptocurrencies are abstractions formed by exotic math and more akin to distributed database service than anything else.
That argument (and a large bribe) might work in your court system. It most assuredly will not fly the US Federal Courts. While this might cause the Courts to legally recognize blockchain based cryptocurrencies
as currencies, the downsides to that recognition far outweigh any upsides. The US has a host of laws dealing with money, and a case such as this would be a very good excuse for them to get cryptocurrencies regulated without actually passing any new laws.
Last time I checked, block explorers do not have a capacity to "forget x coins here and there".
If you cannot launder 50 or 100 bitcoins worth of currency from yourself to yourself, you a bad money launderer indeed.
Please show me the tweet link, mister e-lawyer

What tweet? What are you on about?