I am glad that this back and forth brainstorming session seems to be working towards identifying the problem (which therefore should lead to potential solutions).

In other words, the problem does not appear to be internal to you, Searing.  It's either las chiquitas or perhaps there is some kind of application that you would be able to apply towards solving such real world issues.

In other words, you should be able to employ some of your BTC towards obtaining some kind of remedy, such as a powder, oil or pheromone that causes las chiquitas to magnetize towards you rather than against you... changing the gravitation field or otherwise moving celestial bodies, if you get what I am saying...  (Disclaimer: Surely, don't go full bill cosby on us, only a mild form of bill cosby (Pg-13 form), if necessary, will do). 

Check back in with the WO brainstormers (advisors) once you have acquired such products (not the snake-oil ones) and attempted applying such solutions towards one or more real life chiquitas.  There might be a movie in this.