Does anyone else think cryptocurrency wallets are quite primitive in comparison to bank accounts?
no, they are just completely different because they are treating with an entirely different form of money (assuming when you say "cryptocurrency" you mean bitcoin and similar decentralized ones not the centralized garbage coins).
With a bank account:
1. I get notified for each transaction that occurs.
2. I get a transaction history to review what goes in and out of my wallet.
Does a smart wallet with these kinds of features exist? Can you guys think of other features you wish cryptocurrency wallets had? Does my question even make sense or do I have it all wrong?
you can't expect the same exact features as a bank account. with a bank account (centralized) your bank has full control over your money so they let you know when they spent some of it or received more in your place. so there is a centralized authority that can notify you each time.
but with something like bitcoin, YOU are in full control so you also have to listen for notifications yourself. that's the only difference. you can run a full node or an SPV client and keep them running and receive notifications each time you spend or receive some coins.