All of your other arguments are valid, but it's the above reason why OP's suggestion (which has been made plenty of times before) won't see the light of day.  Theymos putting the 1-merit requirement on Newbies ranking up is about as far as he's likely going to go with noob restrictions. 

Sometimes I wish he'd think of a genius solution for all of the annoyances created by brand new accounts, and who knows, maybe he's working on it.  But the solutions brought up by the community over the past few years have just fallen on deaf ears.

I agree with both of these, except that as ranochigo and I said above, Theymos isn't looking to put any major restrictions on brand new/newbie account and certainly not what amounts to a B&H jail.