Susan Miller has important news for us. "April's so scary that I'm giving classes on it," she says, tracing a series of points on her impossibly complicated astrology chart. "Look, we have a perfect square on 15 April – 15 April! You've got Jupiter at 12, and Uranus at 13, and Pluto at 13, and Mars at 16 – but wait! It's going to get a little bit worse." She furrows her brow while she studies the chart. "Look at 29 April!" I look. "Some people feel the stock market is…" She pauses for such a long beat that I offer to complete her sentence: "…going to crash?" She shakes her head. "This is even worse – we've not had this since the American Revolution."