I went there for you, so you don't have to.

I understand your complete hatred for all shitcoins (stablecoins included), but I got this from listening to mostly bitcoin podcasts, like "What Bitcoin Did" and Willy Woo.. If you are keeping fiat in a bank account, or on an exchange, then it's not very much different than keeping stablecoins. At least, with stablecoins, you control the private keys until you need to spend it and can pick which exchange to use it on, and what bank to withdraw the fiat to.

Since we are not trading, the allocation to shitcoins like the US dollar, or the similarly priced USDC, DAI, or whatever stablecoin is going to be relatively small compared to your bitcoin holdings, all of which can remain in cold storage until the minute you need to cash it out. A very few people actually keep cold cash (as in paper bills) in their homes, that's usually not a good idea unless you have specific reasons.