Obama will not DDoS forum

Obama will shut down Internet

He'll probably just jiggle the switch to piss us all of and we'll all be like "Quit being an arse, Barry" and he'll be like "Screw you, I'm off to shotgun some natural light" and we're like "Whatever, loser. And some dude called Vladimir was looking for you" and he'll be "I was never here, right?" as he runs out the back door.