Not only is Bitcoin not equipped for this sort of usage, but fees would make it pretty difficult to build something usable.
Technically a side-chain can handle any kind of weird functionality like this without worrying about "on-chain" transaction fees that bitcoin has or certain functionality that bitcoin smart contracts don't provide.
That's why we're seeing chains like Polygon kick everyone's ass with usage suddenly.
Ethereum used to have very low fees at the start too. They all face (best case scenario) same scaling issues as bitcoin or (worse case/most common case scenario) worse scaling issues than bitcoin.
Low fees and usability can't be compared with ETH or BTC.
You are right ETH is useless and extremely expensive to use while bitcoin is useful with so much cheaper transactions. Not to mention BTC is immutable, decentralized and secure...
Here is the comparison between ETH and BTC transaction fees in USD. The red line is shethereum:
