If I die (let's be honest, that will probably happen), would my wife or family get my coins? What if they don't know my passwords/private key?
This is a question you need to ask yourself not the forum. I think there was similar question to this before now so you can always jump in to see similar replies for yourself. If you eventually die without disclosing your phrase with anyone, the that's nobody business. You can always get try as much to tell people around your secret phrase or where to get it, so they can steal from you...simple!
and the way to give the secret key I think is by giving a will, because when we die of course no one will know it, it could happen if it is too early to tell at this time, so we need to make a will for people who will be the heirs of our assets later. if this is not done and no one knows, our assets will freeze automatically, because no one can access them