I tell people its free.
You! Dammit, I've been trying to find out for years who keeps telling clueless noobs that Bitcoin transactions were free so that I could punch them in the face, and it was
you all along! Do you have any idea how much time I've wasted correcting noobs whom you've been lying to?
Do you? *punch* Now you made me hurt my hand.

I hope you're happy.