I never have methane guilt, even in a crowded elevator.
I just blame it on the dude next to me...

My mother had the vicar and the vicar's wife to tea
They cleared the room, they blamed it on the dog
But it was me...
...A gentleman tells before it smells, he waves his jacket 'til it's gone
But I'm the kind of sneaky bugger who lets off and doesn't let on...