I beg to differ on the first point, and I'd point to the Vietnam war as an example of a war that was neither won nor lost.  The United States knew they had to get out of the situation they'd created for themselves without showing weakness, because they knew they'd never win it and US citizens (a lot of them, anyway) didn't know why it had even been started in the first place.  I guess you could say N. Vietnam won, but that isn't exactly true--the US just withdrew its forces.

Putin doesn't have to win or lose this thing with Ukraine; he could just pull back.  I'm sure he'd have to find a reason that would allow him to save face and not look like a failure, but he could do it.  So this isn't an all-or-nothing, win-or-lose situation for him.  It might seem that way in his own head, but it doesn't have to be that way--and I'm hoping he comes to his senses and does the right thing for Ukraine and for his own people, who are suffering under the sanctions imposed by the various countries that have had enough balls to stand up to him.