... getting cute modern NATO weaponry. ...

This thread is not about your purchases from Amazon, unless you are forecasting Putin's future with that?
I didn't know you could get them on Amazon, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I just did an image search for 'rainbow dildo' and that was the least NSFW one which came up on the first page. Did you already get one, or just signed in to your Amazon account to look?
Just a lucky guess.