Some of my favorite quotes from this must-read paper:

"Along these same lines, we instrumented a 3-day long trace disproving that our methodology is unfounded. We use our previously analyzed results as a basis for all of these assumptions. This may or may not actually hold in reality." (p.2)

"Glad, our new application for local area networks, is the solution to all of these obstacles." (p.1) and
"Next, we present our model for confirming that Glad is impossible. Of course, this is not always the case." (p.2)

"We plan to release all of this code under write-only." (p.2)

"Our logic follows a new model: performance really matters only as long as performance takes a back seat to expected seek time. We hope that this section illuminates the work of Japanese mad scientist J. Williams." (p. 3)