you would find dozens of articles full of BS explaining to you nothing, so let's keep it short and sweet
I just love the title of this post!

Really, I do!
It may worth to be added to the list:
* we're in that part of the 4-years cycle which is usually called crypto winter
* overall fear/uncertainty on all financial markets (stocks also dropping afaik)
Exactly! We have seen the same trend in 2017 - 18 and it is repeating itself. But it's interesting to see whether the price breaks the previous ATH or not. But at the current price point, bitcoin looks really lucrative.
The stock markets around the world are taking hit from inflation. Bitcoin is not an exceptional asset because it's value is usually determined by the dollar equivalent. There's uncertainties around both narkets. Those who can buy more, will become huge in few years.