My S2 is working now!!
I noticed a chunk of glue(?) in the slot with the main card. I removed it and reseated the card and now everything works!
http://imgur.com/a/D4xcV#1 I have some glue on mine too, but it didn't interfere, and there appears to be something under the glue as well. By the edge of the tab, it looks like its been partially cracked or added after the fact or something. The pictures didn't turn out great but you can at least see the glue on both sides. I'll take it out and snap another later tonight, but it works solidly so I'm going to ignore it for now.
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As for the fragile sticker, the only thing on the box besides the tracking/shipping label is a big blue sticker with a black D on it. Which I'm guessing is for
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ORM-D that? but it just a D and nothing else.
It's just a rework of the board. If you look closely, a trace has been cut and a jumper installed. The hot glue is there to help keep the wire down and try to keep other stuff from snagging on the jumper wire.