Sad I thought the OP was going to update it to be objective and instead simply threw in even more confusing edge cases. 

PPLNS don't punish intermittent miners.
PPLNS miners will receive same value per share in long run regardless of how they mine.

The "guide" is now not something link worth (when noob asks for info on pools) and instead just another worthless personal "belief" based on superstition and half truths.

Sad because the OP spent a large amount of time and was articulate but it was wasted because he couldn't get away from personal biases.