This made me laugh out loud.
But your list is spot on. I would like to add that it needs to be new token/coin that people haven't yet tweeted about, at least not too much. Preferably with no advertising bounties. Old projects under 10M marketcap have either died or something bad has happened behind the scene. Something that no one is interested in them, so unless you know some inside news about those, you are betting on a dead horse.

Also no price talk on the channel gives a professional touch that makes me think it's already more mature and professional then 90% projects out there.