but it'd be pretty damn hard to create anything cool out of a segwit address unless maybe it starts with a 3.
Oh I dunno about that.

Here's one I just spun up:
3Chymistu2BS56TuweMrwVgEyCLHXrtFxR
Now I would offer to send you the private key, but of course that would be a highly risky move on your part to use an address where I know the private key. But if you did want such an address, then I could generate one for you using a split key, which means I don't know the private key.