What about the difference between crypto and bitcoin?  Would that be important to mention? 

Fact of the matter remains, for this here cat, I don't even know what the fuck "crypto" is...   so there's that angle, too.  Or is it just me? (rhetorical question)

P.S... As pointed out by Gachapin (here).. I can understand how the original cited satire article (from the Onion) might purposefully convolute the idea of bitcoin and crypto... (though I am not sure about the extent to which their convolution was purposeful. .. I would speculate that a satire article is purposeful in its choice of words - though of course, it cannot be expected that a satirist would automatically (and in all scenarios) understand the significance of his/her chosen words)