Alright so I managed to get TOR up and running (glad I had the node issue cause I wouldn't have realized it wasn't running). Core still wouldn't connect to any peer for some reason so I decided to hash out onlynet=onion and it's working now.
It might take a several minutes for TOR to spin up and for your node to find onion peers, are you sure you waited long enough? You can quickly check the status of your Tor proxy with the following command:
sudo systemctl status tor
I'm also curious how you installed TOR. It's been a while so my memory on the issue is faded, but I tried anonymizing a package (I don't remember which, but it wasn't bitcoin) and had issues with standard TOR package from the Ubuntu repository. The Ubuntu and Debian repositories call for an older release of TOR, you can get the latest release by updating your source list.
Here's a tutorial on how to set up the Tor Project's official repository:
https://support.torproject.org/apt/tor-deb-repo/