There have been several user posts on this forum that I found asking if it's possible to send merits to yourself?
Actually the question really represents how I feel but don't want to look like someone trying to fish.
if you do it shows you are too frustrated with yourself and your contribution to the forum discussion. you already know how you get Merit from other members. and you can also distribute your Merit to others. then do it.
It's not a must, but when you do you help the system work properly. everyone has their contribution to the forum. some need a lot of time and a lot of posts made to finally move up the rankings. but there is also the expertise and knowledge that is owned in a short time that can rise in rank.
I think you just need to grow your confidence.