Regarding merit, I don't want to ask excessively which leads to begging.
But is it possible if I ask to review my post history. Does it look too much or too bad?
If others are doing it, I don't see why you can't do it too, although I personally think it doesn't look very appropriate, because as you conclude, it still looks like merit begging. However, there are several users who are merit sources and who can help you and offer such a way of reviewing posts, so just follow @fillippone advice.
On the other hand, if you missed it (originally posted in the Meta board) ->
https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=5450177.0