Not even Lightning?
[/quote]

well yeah i forgot about lightning but if something like Wallet of Satoshi could work for you then I think that's a good solution to the high fee problem.

https://www.walletofsatoshi.com/

looks like they have it really dumbed down so that an average joe bitcoin user could be using lightning. you can even buy bitcoin from within the wallet (hopefully their rates are not a ripoff) so you don't have to transfer any bitcoin in (and pay a transaction fee). I guess the big question then becomes does the coffee shop take lightning payments? 

that doesn't solve the having to tell the irs i sold crypto when i bought coffee but i guess i could live with that...