It has been partly fun but most exhausting running a server in my garage in hope to find one of the puzzles to save me from debt, poverty and help out with illness in my family with unpayable medical bills. Sunday wife and kids are out of town and I will turn off the server and myself. Good luck rest of you!
I want to express my support and sympathy to you!
Don't despair, you are not alone!
The sun is still shining, the sky is still beautifully blue!
And most importantly, your loving wife and children are by your side.
And they love you and will love you no matter what, loving you the way you are!
Remember the words of the oath during the wedding, when the newlyweds say to each other the words about how to "love each other in illness, and in sorrow, and in poverty and poverty .."?
Well, this seems to be just such a period in your life.
But please don't despair, friend!
This difficult period will definitely end and God will surely give you a reward for your patience!
Be patient!
In the meantime, go to the temple, or just pray to God.
Reach out to loved ones for support and comfort.
Also try now during this difficult period to be in nature more often, to take walks in the fresh air.
And if you can't make money, try to at least temporarily change jobs - at least you can even just work in a taxi for now. This will distract you from sad thoughts, and at the same time give you at least some income for the first time!
But most importantly, don't despair.
And stop thinking about "turning yourself off"!
In the end, it is better to endure sorrows here on Earth, but then to be in Paradise for enduring these sorrows and failures!