If you aren't after the kind of yield-earning staking, which is risky and doesn't even guarantee you of a profit, and you also don't like time locks, then consider putting your back up in a sealed container and then in a solid case and bury it. If not, cement it. Or bury it under a tile. I doubt if you would still dig it every time you feel a little panic when the price goes down or whenever you're bored and want to play poker or place a bet on a sports match.
Burying it somewhere is kind of an overreaction to your bitcoin storage idea, you don't need to do that if you have to really stay away from your bitcoin. I think that Timelock's the only thing that might work to solve the question that OP is asking. If you have a need to really make it untouchable to you and you don't want to spend it or sell it when the price goes down, why not just learn how to discipline yourself?