Exactly what I would do, raise the block limit to kill doge, eth, Solana, trx and every other major altcoin. 
BCH and BSV are waiting for you.
As for the rest of you're spiel, you're forgetting that blocks are already bigger, up to 4 MB as was proven with the first Taproot Wizards inscription.
Could satoshi imagine that instead of revolutionizing and developing cryptocurrency world, we would upload and sell dumb ape images on Bitcoin blockchain?
The dumb apes are but a small sliver of Ordinals transactions... It is 99% dominated by BRC-20 activity these days. This has actually been the case since May.
https://dune.com/dgtl_assets/bitcoin-ordinals-analysis