nobody I've ever known personally who has invested in Bitcoin or other cryptos actually physically hold their own private keys.
Meet smarter people, then. I would say maybe you'll learn something, but you seem to enjoy performing a routine where you pretend not to understand these things.
I know a lot of smart people, thank you very much.
The fact is that if these "stupid" people you are talking about--the ones who don't hold their private keys in their own physical possession--all dumped their Bitcoin holdings, then the price of Bitcoin would plummet.
You seem to want it both ways: you want the "stupid" people to buy positions in the meme that is "Bitcoin" so the value of your holdings will go up, but you don't consider them "real" unless they are experts like yourself, which almost none of them are.
And for the record, I've asked for hard, documented, non-cryptocurrency design wins for the blockchain architecture, and nobody either here on Bitcointalk nor anywhere else can show me one. My own 30+ years of experience in computer architecture tells me that the technology has no other viable uses because it will never scale and doesn't solve any real-world problems, but I'm willing to be proven wrong. So far I haven't been.