What you're experiencing is a phase of life, because from your post it's obvious that you're young, so I want to let you know that you're not alone, most people passed through that stage, it's probably depression, because things are not working out for you the way you've structured your life. It's good that you're opening up about this feelings because you'll feel lighter as you do, what I'll tell you is that you need to be strong bro, tough times don't last but tough people do, if you continue in this path, you'll probably end up a drug addict or worse become suicidal. Get a hubby, engage yourself in a recreational activity, maybe choose a sports, join a gym that you'll be active in, and let your loved ones know what you're going through. I hope that you'll meet that special woman that will make feel loved and feel good about life.