Ok, that's enough of that nonsense. No more pasting of the already infamous post. My fingers are bleeding all over my trackpad.
At least you can get some speed behind swipes on (most) devices, try a desktop with a
trackwheel (scroll wheel?.. whatever it is called).
it's like this, but faster and louder..

one of my mice has a switch to put the wheel in flywheel mode, you can really get it cranking with it.