Based on the time frame you said you joined this forum, you're expected not to be addressed as a newbie here in the forum. Better of you can say you've been here for those while and yet haven't been able to make quality posts.
I don't mean to get you more depressed but I can tell you that there are forum users who signed up to this forum by the beginning of the year who're currently doing well and they're being so proud of themselves.

What's the different between you and these described forum users? It's simple to be denotedemoted by understand the reality fact that they were submittedbwjd dedicated to learn nomatter how  hard the situation maybe such as uneasy to cope with the forum and the forum users criticisms at them will be tolerated to say that it's either then learn in the hard way of the other ways.
Meanwhile you were at the thought of being a master even at your learning stages and when you're being sanctioned or corrected or even when you're seemed not to be recognized, toyou'd always feel sentimental. This would really be why you got depressed, giving such long break from the forum without being able to achieve an aim or the primary reason why you were here since all those while.

Let me tell you Op, the forum hasn't really changed from what you may think you'd be thought with a sympathy emotions. Psychologically who doesn't want to learn will never learn untill they're dedicated and submissive to learning with all diligence.
I wish you good luck at your returned. So welcome back fellow. Do well check out the fellas replies also the provided links for they'd profer help to your learnings.
Good luck.