That means you are holding on to the past. Kind of unrelated to hating being alone, as isolating in a positive way can lead to pretty good outcomes. For example, isolating for 5 or 10 mins away from a crowd is much more healthier than going full rambo and living in the woods to make a point XD.

I get what you mean about facing what you've done...truly I do. One of the worst parts about being alone is that you have nothing but the voices in your head, whether it's yours, God's, or haunting memories from your past. Doomscrolling is a super common response to being alone, as our phone is a window into the world we can hide behind the screen with. I highly suggest avoiding doing this, because it will just drive negative feelings further. All you see on social media is the "best" parts of peoples lives, and when you aren't at your best, that can be intimidating, daunting, depressing, etc.