Somehow I feel that you are luckier than the beggar, but the suffering you complain about only makes your life more chaotic, you really cannot access a job that is enough to support you. It's just that the way you want is not within your ability, so it's an illusion. I just want to advise you to be optimistic about the life you have because there are still many people out there facing miserable lives. Each of us needs to take a look at the challenges we face, don't blame life, but see ourselves as truly making an effort to change. Anyway, I hope you have optimistic thoughts to find your own direction to change your life.