Im really sorry to hear youre having such a rough time lately.  That sucks big time.  Hhave you thought about opening up to any family or friends at all? Maybe try just talking to someone you trust - whether its a buddy, a parent, or even a therapist if thats an option - about all these feelings youve been struggling with solo.  Getting some of that heavy stuff off your chest could seriously help lighten the load a bit.  And you never know, they might have some good advice or support to offer too.  Just dont forget that you ain't alone in this fight! There are always folks and resources out there ready to help if you need it.