I empathize with the OP, his disgust for gambling is born out of the unfortunate experiences that he's experiencing as a result of his huge loses, it's easy to call gambling the devil if you're in his shoes. But he should understand that it's not everybody that allowed themselves to become gambling degenerates, when somebody gets to that peak of addiction, it can totally destroy the person, both physically and mentally. OP needs professional help, love and understanding with support from his loved ones to get through this difficult time. It's best that he takes a long break from gambling or possibly quit from it because clearly gambling is not for everybody, if he can't gamble responsibly it's better to quit.