Just to make sure I'm doing everything right, am I not getting any replies to this because nobody really has the answers or advice, because this is the wrong place to ask for said advice, because it was in a huge wall of text that nobody wants to deal with reading through, or something else?
To answer one of your questions:
https://www.akminer.com/,
https://www.419mining.com/ or
https://www.parallelminer.com/I've bought from 419 & parallel in the past. Ak just come recommended by others but I have never used. There is also aliexpress but there is obvious risks there.
You might find better help for your questions on
https://voskcointalk.com/.